health

last night my aunt told me between writing articles for a website and always taking pictures of completely non-photogenic things.. i'm turning into my mom. she does something really cool with her pictures. she takes AT LEAST twenty a day and puts them on her flikr. and theyre all good. and she has less free time than i do. if i didnt spend 99% of my free time on facebook id be able to do that too plus a bunch of other productive things. you dont understand how much healthier that would make me feel. so in honor of becoming my mom, this is going to be my new facebook. photoblog time!


except this really isnt going to end up happening. but we can pretend.

mental undergrad

hey. i realized something today. i just really want everyone to know it. ok.

after tg elections today i had quite an epiphany. it reminded me of the first tg epiphany i had back in freshman year. i was filling out my first who's who sheet and for some reason found myself at a loss for words. some new, weird feeling filled up inside me and i thought to myself, "shit. i'm obsessed with these people. that's embarrassing." a month or so later i had my first tradition experience. when i saw everyone crying like they just watched their mother get gunned in the throat, i felt very relieved to know i didnt have to be ashamed of that little obsession and that i wasnt the only freak that felt it.

five years later (five years? thats distgusting) im at "college" and hate every second of it because i should be away like 90% of all my friends but i was too lazy and in denial to do essays or take the sats as much as i should have. i guess thats why i stuck around at rehearsal and whatnot so much. because i missed actually liking being home like i did the last four years and was depserate to get that comfort zone back.

what im trying to say is... i know i show up to more tg events than some actual guildies do. i know i shouldnt pay for the $20 shortage at fridays after opening night. i know i need to mentally graduate. but after being just as excited for this tg board as i was for last years when i was actually in it, i realized that even though im not in theatre guild anymore, its still what keeps me sane.

and i know it makes me sound like an obsessive freak, but youll always be my comfort zone<3

night drives

it feels like the farther away from home i get, the more in tune my brain is. california is looking pretty good right about now.

for the record

i have too many morals for "mission accomplished" to feel as good as it should. too many morals and too many feelings im not even going to bother trying to tame.

but its all good.

really?

mission accomplished.

clowd list

upon reading for a ridiculous amount of the day away, i came across some lovely quotes. my favorite...

when youre young, youre immortal. too young to be aware that youd eventually have to kick the bucket. too young to worry about it.

im not saying im old but seeing as its my last year of being a teenager im forced to believe im running on the edge of young and not young. so i decided to make a "bucket list." but bucket is my least favorite word. it actually creeps me the fuck out. my favorite word would be cloud, so i am going to call it a cloud list. it doesnt make sense, so i made it make sense via confucius quote and photoshop.



1) make sense of something that dont make sense.

check.

.................

i think this is what hate feels like.

go

http://5thwh3el.blogspot.com/

interesting

that was oddly the most bearable winter of my entire life.

summer soul

life is good when the sun is still out at 7pm.

promise

if you don't care, i'll make you.

war

i've got more lessons where that came from.

rant

i realized the only reason im ever really tempted to go on facebook other than stalking people is to update my status, so this could actually help me not want to go on anymore. maybe narrowing it down to one status a day could help me not want to even update my status at all after easter. because honestly, how am i going to benefit from letting the world know "Natalie Sparachh is brushing her teeth then putting on some eyeliner than rushing off to sell bras on four hours of sleep then failing a test then sitting at home wishing she had a smoothie then finding out she failed another test then going home wishing she had a smoothie then probably repeating the process tomorrow." im not. i stopped going on aim because i was obsessive over the precision of my away messages and saw that 99% of my buddy list was too. i dont want the whole world and their mothers to know what im doing every second of the day. i like putting people through mystery and receiving text that say "hey nat what are you up to?" because they werent able to stalk the shit out of me. i like the fact that people cant stalk the shit out of me, and i like the fact that only my close friends know whats going on in my life because they care enough to find out the less virtual way. it feels good to be separated from the part of our society thats so dependent on technology. like having blackberries so facebook or aim, your connection to the world, is one click away. beer pong and bubble wrap are even one click away if you have an iphone. fuck that.

in other words, i like my new blog idea.

or

Natalie likes her new blog idea.

fail.

hi.

ive been doing awesome at blogging right? ok srsly time to do this. ive had so many urges to update my status throughout the day and couldnt because i gave facebook up for lent so i think im just going to do that here every day. one sentence a day cant be too hard to keep up with.

one setence...

natalie feels like her chest is being twisted insideout.

yeahhh i think that covers today.

oh hey, brain.

i used to have a livejournal but no one ever read it besides me.. and probably a creeper or two per week if were really counting.. so that ended up being a waste of time. now that almost all my friends are going on blog making sprees i figured to try again. now heres the thang about what i tend to write. no offense to people who do this but i dont want to bore you with a play by play of my day and how i felt about each waking moment even if you give a shit. i write about absolutely nothing. even though techinically everything is something. on a scale from 1-10 what i write is of little to no importance but i make it try to come off as 10. get my drift? ok for example.. my first livejournal entry...

I don't know why but wasted time has always scared me. I devote a purpose to every step I take and if in the end I feel like there was no purpose to it I make one up just to make myself feel better. Today I came back to my dad's house after work without realizing I don't have a house key, so I was stuck alone in a backyard in Freeport for about an hour. My book and IPod were inside so I used the time to tan. Eventually I came close to running out of water and really did start sweating like a beast. I figured that couldn't be too healthy so I chilled in my car with the AC and pretzels. I started thinking about what reason I could make up for staying in the car while I could be tanning, because sustaining hydration wasn't productive enough to please me. I continued to think until I spotted a spider leg on the ceiling. It's been there for a while because it wasn't too noticeable and when it was I laughed because it reminded me of a certain someone that I would rather not be reminded of anymore, so I immediately took a tissue and threw it out the door. After I did, I saw a squirrel directly above me on the garage roof staring at me. I ignored it, but since it was still looking at me when I got back in the car I became curious as to how long it would take for it to go attack a bird or something. I mean, squirrels are pretty ADD. But anyway, we were staring each other down for a good two minuets before I got weirded out and threw a shirt over my face. I took it off to find the squirrel absolutely no where in sight. I looked around for it really intently too. The last time I had an encounter with a nonhuman like that my family dubbed it the animal form of my dead uncle. The first thing I thought to myself was how ridiculous it would be if I ended up with a squirrel tattoo.

There were a lot of reasons for staying in the car I could've used for my whole mental issue, but somewhere between my first glance at the squirrel and depending on my feet to control the radio like the lazy shit I am trying not to be, I decided productivity is overrated.

until rereading that, i forgot how much fun i had blogging. maybe too much. well now that people besides me and my creepers are actually reading it, hopefully itll wont be a waste of time. oh.. waste of time. IRONY!